Single and Thriving

Over the past couple of months, I’ve noticed a trend in my life. People ask me if I’m in a relationship. I say no. And then I’m greeted with a half sympathetic, half disappointed smile. As if the fact that I’m single is a reason to feel sorry for me. Or the fact that I’m single is something negative.

Well, if you must know I’m pretty dang happy being single. Actually, I’m probably the happiest I’ve been since I started college three years ago.

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I know that must seem out of the ordinary or a rarity because our society often associates being happy with being with someone who makes you happy. But I’m happy with just being me, as I am with no one to cuddle with in my Instagram photos.

I’m single because I’m in no rush to settle down. I have a lot more living to do before I choose a person or a place or a career that feels like a permanent home. I’m only 21-years old and I’m having fun being young. 

I’m single because I need to be selfish right now. Yes, maybe that sounds narcissistic but I’m about to graduate college and after I walk across that stage on May 12th, I want the next step I make to be mine, simply and unapologetically.

I want to be able to not be held back. I want to feel guilt-free about whatever choice I make next. Whether that is to another country, to another continent, to a fellowship or to a job somewhere I’ve never been, I want to be able to make that decision on my own. I need to be able to live my life as I want to live it right now because there aren’t many seasons of life where that will be possible.

This is the first time in my 21-years around the earth that I don’t have the next step laid out for me and I love the possibility and freedom that is embedded in that. So, I’m going to put myself first right now because who knows where I will end up. 

I’m single because I want to discover who I am by myself first. I’ve been growing up a lot lately, I guess that is what your early twenties are for. They’re for figuring out who you are in this crazy, overwhelming world. They’re for experiencing growing pains and using those pains to become the person you want to become.  They’re for finding what you’re passionate about and what makes YOU happy. And I needed to do that growing up on my own so my new self, my older self, my new “women” no longer a girl self, was as true and authentic as possible.

I’m single because I needed to find love in who I was first before letting someone else love me. I needed to fall in love with myself and who I was. I also needed to be happy being alone, I think that’s super important and often overlooked. Being able to be happy alone so your happiness is not dependent on another person is SO important for me

I’m single because I needed to fix myself first. I entered college three years ago grieving a good friend and trying to navigate a heartbreak for the first time. It was not very pretty or flattering. But I knew that I didn’t need anyone to fix me and I sure didn’t need anyone to put my pieces back together for me. What I did need was to pick up the pieces in my life, as scattered as they were, and put them back together on my own to prove to myself, and no one else, that I’m capable and I’m strong enough to navigate life on my own.

I’m single because I don’t need anyone else to complete me, I just want someone to compliment me.

I’m single because I’ve been with people who make me feel awful about who I am and make me feel unworthy and I know that I don’t need or deserve that negative energy in my life.

I’m single because I have this habit of not being in the same place for too long and I don’t want to invest myself, my energy and my time in someone that I’m just going to say goodbye to in three months.

I’m single because I want MORE, I want romance, I want adventure, I want intellectual conversations, I want to travel, I want positivity, I want to go camping trips,  I want reflection, I want to spend my weekends outside, I want ambition, I want confidence and I do not want to settle for someone who doesn’t get that or share that.

I’m single because I’m not a huge fan of long distance relationships.

I’m single because I know my worth and I’m way too young to accept someone who doesn’t see that.

I’m single because I would rather wait for someone who inspires me, who empowers me and who celebrates me for just being me than someone who wants me to change into their ideal version of me.

So, there it is. That is why I’m single. Which feels weird to justify online but maybe just maybe this will show and inspire the other 20-somethings on the internet that it’s okay to dedicate time being by yourself and that you should never settle for someone when you know you deserve more.

That’s all for now,




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