*There is some bad language thrown in here but it’s the same language that’s present in life and rap songs so read with caution or not, it’s up to you*
There are two things that high school and college have taught me, over and over and over again.
The first is that when women choose to empower one another and come together and decide that they are going to root for each other then everyone wins. Everyone leaves MORE confident in who they are and what they are doing. And that confidence, for a woman, is the secret ingredient to making it in this world because when you are confident in who YOU are then you no longer need to seek approval and you can just live your life how you choose for no one else but you.
The second thing is that women can be so dang hard on each other, almost ruthless.
So, as the school year starts I want to make a proposal. This year let’s promise to root for each other.
Instead of spending energy holding grudges, judging someone’s actions, comparing ourselves, comparing two women to each other or simply gossiping to pass time or bond with someone, let’s dedicate our energy to celebrating each other. Let’s compliment one another. Let’s go out of our way to help each other. Let’s stand up for each other, even (and especially) if that person isn’t in the room. Let’s leave people’s personal lives private. Let’s be intentional about breaking the stereotypes that we all use to define ourselves and accept us (all of us) for exactly who we are, no matter what society or anybody else is saying.
Can we do that? Because if we all choose, as women, to root for each other then imagine what we would all gain. Confidence, stability, compassion.
Being a woman, especially a woman growing up in today’s society is hard. We have expectations dawned on us that seem impossible to achieve but are constantly demanded.
Our behavior is justified with whether we have our periods. If we’re assertive we’re bitchy. If we’re in charge we’re bossy. If we’re quiet we’re letting people step over us. If we’re drinking matcha tea we’re unoriginal. If we let our armpit hair grow out we’re not feminine enough. If we’re sensitive or emotional we’re unprofessional. If we want to stay at home we’re not ambitious. If we want to work we’re selfish. If we take things personally we’re too emotional. If we’re single we’re heartless. If we’re hooking up with different people we’re a slut. But if we’re in a relationship we’re boring. If we take too many pictures of ourselves we’re conceited. If we never take pictures we lack confidence. Heck, if we’re five pounds over weight we are letting ourselves go.
It’s a never ending art of perfecting ourselves in order to live up to this set of expectations we think define us.
Are we skinny enough? Are we professional enough? Are we sexy enough? Are we smart enough? Are we getting enough likes? Are we authentic enough?
There is a such a fascination with being the perfect “woman” when in reality none of us will ever achieve perfection. Even if a perfectly edited Instagram feed tells us otherwise.
So, let’s stop holding each other accountable for not being perfect and instead just meet people where they are at in life and accept them for them, their messy, imperfect and unpredictable flaws and all. Why? Because we will all always have flaws. And the sooner we can accept those flaws, is the sooner we can no longer allow our flaws to define us.
I propose we (myself included, I am guilty of all of this) start making it a little easier to be a woman in this world by being easy on each other.
When we judge another woman, when we resort to gossip, when we scrutinize each other, when we make comments or suggest that there is something wrong with the way someone is living their life then WE are allowing these expectations to keep controlling our perception of ourselves.
So, let’s just root for each other instead.
I’ve been blessed in this world to find women in this world who celebrate me. And I celebrate them. It’s a friendship based on empowerment.
And having those friendships where two women root for each other doesn’t come easy. It takes being intentional.
It takes going out of your way to compliment each other. Going out of your way and reaching out to someone to tell them how you much admire them. Going out of your way to celebrate their success even if it feels like they’re surpassing yours. Going out of your way to prioritize each other’s happiness. Going out of your way to use your word with caution coded in positivity. Going out of your way to be kind.
It seems simple but our society doesn’t really teach us to treat each other with kindness. It teaches us to judge each other. To compare each other.So, I say we take back the power and change the narrative.
So, I say we take back the power and change the narrative.
One thing we, as women, LOVE to do is to use gossip as a way to bond. We find connections with people by judging others. It’s almost become second nature.
But when we use our word to gossip we’re just keeping those impossible expectations alive. We’re allowing them to control how we perceive others. We’re allowing them to justify how we define ourselves.
So, I encourage you (and myself) to replace gossip with words of kindness. Let’s form connections with each other based on what we’re passionate about rather than talking about how we disagree with a way someone else is living.
There are enough things in this world telling us that we are not enough so let’s not add to that. Let’s instead work to let people know that who they are right now, is plenty, is enough. Let’s instill confidence instead of doubt.
Can we promise that?
Can we promise to root for each other this year? Can we promise to be intentional about how we talk about each other? How we act toward each other? How we use our word?
I’ll make that promise. I’ll promise right now to root for you. I hope you do the same.
And as my friends say, don’t yuck someone else’s yum.
That’s all for now,